15 March 2009 (am)

Pastor Melody Swanepoel

OPTIMAL COMMUNICATION

Eph 4:23-29 (LB)

(NLT) -  Eph 4:29…. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them…

INTRO: Poor communication is the most frequently mentioned problem in relationships (counselling) (in any relationship).

To really communicate, you must give up 3 Things:

1. YOU MUST GIVE UP YOUR ASSUMPTIONS

We get into trouble when we start assuming we understand the meaning of what people say to us. The truth is everything you hear goes through a filter. Your filter is determined by your past experiences and your unique personality.

You may not be hearing what the other person is really saying. Therefore, it’s smart and safe to ask for clarification. There are six (6) possible messages every time you speak.

Prov 18:13 (NLT) -  … what a shame, what folly, to give advice before listening to the facts.

(CEV) It’s stupid and embarrassing to give an answer before you listen…

ADAM & EVE

• Gen 2:16+17 – God says…
• Gen 3:2+3 – Eve says (Adam said)

a)     What you mean to say

and

b)     What you actually said

c)      What they heard

and

d)     What they think they heard

e)     What they say about it

and

f)        What you think they said about it

• CHILDREN             – Let them look at you

-                     Ask them what you said

Prov. 3:3 (a)             Prov 13:3

1. YOU MUST GIVE UP YOUR ACCUSATIONS

You never get your point across by being cross. Anger and sarcasm only make people defensive, and that kills communication.

Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to wrath.

Prov 10:19+20

• Remember Prov 11:9…Evil words destroy…

4 forms of accusations:

a)     Exaggerating – Making sweeping generalities like – “You never” or “You always”

Prov 15:1            Prov 15:4

b)     Labelling or name calling – This only reinforces negative behaviour

Prov 15:28            Prov 16:24            Prov 17:1

c)      Playing Historian – Bringing up past failure, mistakes and broken promises.

Prov 17:1            Prov 13:10 … pride leads to arguments…            Prov 17:14

d)     Asking loaded questions which really can’t be answered – “Can’t you ever do anything right?”

Prov 15:18            Prove 18:6+7            Prov 29:22

1. YOU MUST GIVE UP YOUR APPREHENSIONS

Fear prevents honest communication. It causes us to conceal our true feelings and fail to confront the real issues.

2 common apprehensions:

1. 1. FEAR OF FAILURE
2. 2. FEAR OF REJECTION

• Allow kindness to be the rule for everything you say. (Prov 31:26)

Real communication can happen when you face your fear and risk being honest.

Freedom is the result of openness.

Jesus said John 8:32 (NLT) …The truth will set you free…

Prov 12:15; 26,       Prov 13:18  Prov 15:23  Prov 16:24

Lets aim at optimal communication in all our relationships.

We’re all going to

Buffalo Bay

to enjoy a day of fun in the sun together…

We’ll be playing beach volleyball, cricket, touch rugby etc. etc…

Bring your own picnic basket umbrellas and sunscreen… and remember

Invite all your friends!

For more info contact us via e-mail info@knysnacharisma.co.za or 0824159372